DYING IN THE CORNER OF THE SKY
by deetatarant
Summary: Ianto tries to sort himself out....with a bit of help from his friends....
1. Chapter 1

**Post 'Meat' season two.**

**IN THE CORNER OF THE SKY**

Ianto often felt alone. It wasn't something that bothered him terribly, but sometimes it got to him. The worst period had been just around the time of Lisa's death.... both times round. The constant fear and worry, the guilt of betraying her and then his colleagues, the guilt of surviving, the lies and the constant state of being on edge had almost given him a nervous breakdown. No one knew until she'd gotten lose and even after, no one wanted to know. He still wondered at which point he had finally lost her. That had probably been one of the darker parts of his short life. The second time when it had been that bad was when Jack had run away. It wasn't the fact that he missed Jack especially, more the impact his disappearance had had on the team as a whole. The third time and first in terms of order, had been his Tad's passing to cancer in 2002. Ianto's Tad had also been his mentor and best friend and since his untimely death Ianto did not crave company and was used to going for months without anyone touching him.

It was just that sometimes he wanted to be seen, really seen as Ianto Jones, not Torchwood. Very occasionally Tosh would peer through the nebulous of duty and connect with him, they'd talk and smile, but never touch. Sometimes Owen would reach out with an acerbic good humoured barb to remind himself who exactly made the only drinkable coffee in Cardiff. Gwen gave nothing and took nothing; he simply wasn't on her radar. None of it mattered. Ianto had always been an intensely private person who never shared his dreams and secrets with anyone, not even Lisa, he bitterly reflected. Everything had been about her, and providing for her the life that she wanted, his hadn't mattered at the time. But suddenly it hit him, the moment that Jack had bolted to his office to watch Gwen and Rhys on the CCTV, no one saw him, no one saw Ianto, even Jack who was more than willing to fuck him, didn't see him. The trouble was it hit him with the force of a physical blow after a particularly stressful day of being held at gun point and being shot at, kicked and thumped by some useless tosser out to make a fast buck. He stood on the gantry outside Jack's office and gripped the rail as vertigo washed over him in a cold sweat. The Hub tilted and he shuddered in a breath and carefully managed to gather himself enough to grab his jacket and walk out of the Hub without anyone noticing. No surprises there then. He realised as he strode out via the tourist office just how insignificant he really was. The worst thing about this revelation was that he knew it was his own fault, he'd mastered invisible from an early age, perhaps he was just too good at it. Maybe it was just habit. The fact of the matter was, no one noticed and even if they did no one passed comment.

He hauled a few steadying breaths and walked purposefully to his flat, realising rather too late that he hadn't actually told anyone he was leaving. A flash of internal cynicism forced him to wonder how long it would be before anyone rang him to see where he was. Ianto couldn't help but wonder what had prompted this reaction in him. He was tired, no doubt, they all were. He was most certainly confused about the rather dubious relationship he had with Jack. He had nearly died..... Yes, that was it..... He had nearly died. Somehow at the time the gun was jammed in his face it hadn't really registered just how much danger he was in, but now........ Shouldn't he be used to the danger by now? Fuck sake he'd been with Torchwood for almost 4 years, this was by no means the first time he had cheated death.

Ianto keyed his front door and stumbled in, slamming the door behind him and running straight to the bathroom, where he promptly threw up. He sank down next to the toilet, heaving and shaking for what felt like forever. He bit back a whimper, quietly desperate to feel arms around him, keeping the anxiety at bay. He didn't care whose arms, preferably his Mam's or Tad's. Anyone would've done in that moment, anyone.....Even Owen. A choking sound escaped him and then the flood gates opened and he huddled against the bath towels and cried, feeling like a dying star in the corner of the sky, a space so vast and empty it finally overwhelmed him. He didn't want to die. He loved his job, he loved most bits about being alive full stop, and somehow today made him realise just how fragile the balance was, how narrow the tight rope was they all walked every day. He also realised just how beautiful some of things were that he got to see and how awful. That there was no one to share it with because despite his promises to the contrary Jack was only interested in one thing and that didn't involve much talking and certainly no comfort.

Finally the sobbing hurt too much so he stopped, his ribs still sore from the beating he had taken earlier in the warehouse. Still feeling nauseas he pulled off his clothes and took a long shower. An hour later and he was curled up on his bed writing in his diary, and an hour after that he was asleep a pillow pulled tightly into his chest.

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Jack eventually flicked off the CCTV monitor with a heavy sigh as he mentally replayed what had happened with Gwen in the Hub an hour before. He'd been all kinds of stupid that day, bringing Rhys into the fold being top of his 'world's greatest mistakes' list. Breaking protocol and arguing with Gwen in front of the team, well that was plain...... stupid. He was sure Ianto would have a better word for it and on that thought he glanced up and looked through the window down into the Hub. Tosh, glasses on was working diligently at her computer as always; and he could see Owen wondering up from the direction of the vaults with a frown on his face, obviously looking for..... something..... someone. Jack wondered where Ianto was and got to his feet. Ianto. Ok, yes, he'd fucked up there once again. Jack stepped out of his office and Owen immediately gave him a scathing look.

"You haven't got Tea Boy up there with you have you?"

Jack scowled at him. "His name is Ianto, and no I haven't seen him for over an hour."

At that Tosh looked up and glanced between her two male colleagues. "He went home. I think he was a bit upset." She commented, glaring at Jack on the final sentence.

Jack said nothing and retreated back to his office, closing the door behind him. He'd talk to Ianto tomorrow.

Owen shook his head in annoyance. "Looks like I'll be making my own coffee then, want one Tosh?"

She was already back at her work. "No thanks Owen."

As usual Jack was up early, in truth he hadn't been to bed, not his bed anyway. He'd returned to the Hub at 4:30am half expecting Ianto to be there preparing things for the day ahead. He went to his bunk, grabbed a shower and a change of clothes and by 6am Ianto still hadn't come in. Ok, that wasn't normal, Ianto was always in by 6 unless he'd pulled an all nighter.... Jack frowned and went to the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea, he never touched THE coffee machine and went to his office to continue going over the reports from CMA, the Japanese Torchwood equivalent. Jack didn't much like the CMA guys but Ianto and Tosh had worked hard to establish reasonable relations with them and it had proved useful on more than one occasion. His Japanese was shit so Ianto had painstakingly translated everything for him the week before highlighting points of interest at the same time. Ianto was efficient like that, always thinking ahead and taking into consideration what everyone on the team needed most. Jack often marvelled at his quiet mastery of running Torchwood 3, without any of them seeming to notice. Except that he was noticing now when at 8:30am Gwen and Tosh arrived together in companionable conversation. Within minutes they were looking around them and Jack quite rightly guessed that they were looking for Ianto and wondering where their morning coffee had got to. Jack sighed, rather disappointed with himself that he'd only noticed something amiss because Ianto wasn't actually there.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ianto rolled over on to his side and thumped his alarm clock into silence as he let out a grumble of pain from sore and protesting muscles. He promptly rolled back onto his side and went back to sleep and dreamt of whales being turned into kebabs that he and Owen were eating over their pints of Brains bitter. He awoke rather abruptly a short time later and then lay there, staring at his ceiling and wrinkling his nose at the sight of the cobwebs above his bed. The minutes slid by, the birds outside started singing and the sun came up. Ianto didn't move, not only did he not want to because it hurt, but he really couldn't be bothered either. He nearly jumped out of his skin when his mobile started ringing. His surprise only increased when he saw the caller ID was Jack. Ianto rejected the call, Jack was actually the last person he wanted to speak to that morning. Within minutes the phone was ringing again to announce a message on his voicemail. Shortly after a text arrived. Reluctantly, Ianto read the message.

R U OK?

It was from Tosh, Ianto deleted it and turned his phone off. Realising he was doing the one thing he was upsetting himself over the previous evening, cutting himself off. It was an automatic reaction to him to anyone who even attempted to get close. Ever since Canary Wharf..... maybe even before then, he gotten to know every nuance of Lisa, but with him he had only let her barely scratch the surface. Ianto chewed at his lower lip and stared at his Nokia.

"Shit."

Finally he texted back.

YEP, SORRY TOSH; OVERSLEPT. BE IN SOON. COULD U TELL J FOR ME PLEASE.

He lumbered in the direction of his bathroom and took a shower and scrubbed his teeth and shaved, prolonging the whole getting ready process for as long as he could. He arrived at the Hub, immaculate as ever at 11:17 am. Tosh was the only one there as the others had gone out to check out a sighting at the railway station. Ianto hung up his coat and waited for Tosh to finish speaking on her coms before offering up a smile.

"Coffee Tosh?"

Her smile was a strange mixture of relief and greeting. "Yes, please."

Ianto nodded and went away to the magic machine and did the honours. Shortly after the rest of the gang piled in through the door, looking thoroughly cheesed off. Ianto silently handed out beverages and went back to the kitchen to get his own before heading off to archive something..... anything, because he realised EVERYONE was looking at him.

"Ianto, my office!"

Jack swept up the steps and Ianto followed like a kicked puppy in his shadow, knowing full well he was about to get a bollocking. To his concern and surprise the moment the office door was closed behind them Jack lowered the blinds in the windows and gestured for Ianto to sit down on the couch. Ianto complied, his mug of coffee cradled in his grasp like a security blanket. Jack sat down beside him, taking a moment to enjoy his first decent drink of the day. Ianto kept his eyes down and waited.........


	2. Chapter 2

"Ok, Ianto, what the hell is going on with you?" Straight to the point, that was Jack, no messing about and padding the question with reassurances.

Ianto lowered his mug to the floor. "I don't know what you mean."

He heard the heaving out of a sigh. "You left here yesterday without notifying anyone, fortunately we can track your mobile. You've barely spoken for days, you were late in this morning....."

"I over slept, sorry."

Jack had leaned back. "Talk to me Ianto, tell me what is going on. Did I upset you yesterday?"

Ianto frowned and then he remembered the incident with Gwen and Ianto sagged, they thought he was sulking over Gwen. Did Jack think he was jealous?

"No, not in the way that you think. I was angry because you broke with protocol and put Rhys in the firing line when he had no business being there. He could have died, he's an untrained civilian and YOU put him in danger. That was unforgivable. I'll be honest Jack, can I be honest?" Ianto felt his heart sink into his gut..... it had been so long since anyone had asked. Was he just going through the motions? Being the boss?

He started when he felt Jack's hand settle against his back, gently rubbing a soothing circle and Jack's face was suddenly close to his.

"I'd like to believe that you are always honest with me. Go on, speak up, please." He really wanted to know.

Ianto swallowed trying to formulate what he wanted to say. "I nearly died yesterday and two things occur to me, firstly I really don't want to and secondly no one would notice if I did, and that's why it was so wrong of you to send Rhys out there. He would have been missed, people would have been hurt by his loss and you threw him into the front line without a hope or a prayer of him being able to deal with it. I think you did it because you don't understand how you feel about Gwen. You are happy to fuck me and love her and somewhere in that brain of yours all the lines of objectivity have gotten blurred. And yesterday I nearly died and no one noticed."

He felt Jack's hand drop away. The truth of it.

"You make it so hard for anyone to get close to you Ianto, and you are right I don't think any of us did. I'm sorry."

Ianto frowned at the apology. "Don't say sorry Jack, it's not your fault. No one DOES know me and that is my choice, has always been my choice. I think I am just finally starting to regret it."

"I don't understand." Jack got up and went to his drinks cabinet. Ianto watched as he poured two generous measures of pale scotch, he ambled back handing a cut crystal glass to Ianto with a faint encouraging smile. Ianto accepted the glass.

"Is this to get me to loosen up?"

Jack resumed his place beside him. "If you like."

Ianto twirled the glass and then took a sip, relishing the flavour as the liquid burnt down his throat.

"When I was with Lisa, I never told her anything much about myself, she didn't even meet my family. I spent our entire relationship spoiling her with compliments and gifts and promises. She tried asking but every time I deflected her and so finally she gave up and just accepted me the way I was. We had two years before..... before Canary Wharf went to hell and all that time, she was my life and we were happy, but I never let her get to know me. It made me feel vulnerable."

Jack sighed. "I understand that."

"I know you do. It's why I never ask anything of you." Ianto took another sip, for Dutch courage. "I nearly died yesterday. I hurt and I am tired, but I've trained myself so well and no one even realises so no one asks. I did this to myself Jack."

The hand was back, warming against his shoulder.

"So what's changed?"

Ianto had no clue, he really didn't. This day was the same as any other, yesterday had been too.

"I don't know. I suppose I just wanted someone to notice. It's stupid really, I've never really craved attention before, thought I didn't need it."

"Everyone needs to feel loved and comforted Ianto, it's part of being human, a normal part I might add."

They fell silent for what felt like ages, Ianto could even hear the ticking of Jack's watch.

"Why are you so afraid to be loved and missed?"

Ianto shrugged. "I'm not even sure it's fear, more like habit."

Jack baulked, thinking somehow that was worse. "I missed you yesterday and did nothing about it, I am sorry for that."

Ianto nodded. "You're more like me than you realise, not wanting to get close."

Jack couldn't argue the point, it was ridiculous because Ianto knew his closely guarded secrets, attachment beyond the physical though..... He loved his team like an older brother looks after his siblings, but the last time he'd felt anything real he'd run away. Everything since Estelle..... well. He knew that wasn't true in Ianto's case. The young man had just made it so hard and Jack was slowly giving up on his feelings for him.

"I meant it, when I said a few months ago that I came back for you. I just didn't think that you wanted anything from me. Ever since we talked when Tommy went back you've been distant and even more quiet if that's at all possible. You blew me away with that kiss and then you back off like I've got the plague or something."

Ianto could feel fingers lightly caressing the back of his neck, he leaned into the contact.

" That kiss was terrifying Jack, made me realise.....I think I just pushed you away, the moment you said those things, after I kissed you. I was afraid. I push every one away. I don't know how Lisa put up with it."

"She loved you, she sounds like she was an amazing woman." Jack wanted to keep him talking.

"She was Jack, she really was. It was why I couldn't let her go. She really was all I had left." He downed the last of the drink and put the glass down beside the mug. He was starting to ache sitting forward like this and a wince flashed across his brow.

"And now? What's left now?"

Ianto shook his head. "After yesterday? I really don't know anymore. When I got home I was sick and I just wanted to be held."

"So why didn't you call me?"

Ianto looked down at his hands. "You were too distracted by other things and quite frankly it didn't occur to me to call any one. I just lay on my bed feeling sorry for myself and waiting for someone to ring me to indicate that I was missed. No one called and for the first time it really bothered me and it made me realise I can't do this alone anymore. It's too much, the things we have to deal with and that's when I was mad because Gwen's fiance had been put at risk. She needs him. The rest of us are a bunch of sad lonely fuckers with no lives outside our jobs and we're way too damaged to have them anyway."

Jack unhappily had to agree, that was what Torchwood did to people, stripping them down to the bare bones so that no more humanity could exist.

"Do you want out?"

He felt Ianto stiffen under his hand.

"No. There's no way you could Retcon 4 years of my life without..... well I'd be even more fucked up than I am now. I like my job Jack, I even like the people I work with..... well most of them. I have a pet dinosaur, I mean who else has that? What I want is not to only have my diary for company. Gwen has Rhys and much as she really annoys me sometimes, I know he is what enables her to function in this job. I'm glad you didn't Retcon him, but I am still angry about him getting shot. I don't want out Jack, I really don't."

Jack was relieved. "I am glad to hear it, I'd hate to lose you." And he meant it too. The silence came back and Jack dropped his hand away from Ianto's neck and reached forward and grasped his hand, inter twining their fingers. Ianto looked down at their hands. "I'm here for you, I just wish you could trust me."

Ianto offered up a faint smile. "I do trust you Jack. It's me I don't trust."

"Give yourself time and more credit and make me a promise."

Ianto met his gaze, finally, those beautiful oceans.

"What promise would that be?"

Jack's other hand was raised to rest on his shoulder, his thumb gently stroking his throat and chin. "You want anything, you fucking well ask for it. I don't care what it is, or what time it is. You are not going to be alone anymore, neither of us are. I've seen how much you can love someone, let me do the same for you."

Finally Ianto nodded. "Ok."


	3. Chapter 3

They looked at each other for a long time until Jack realised somewhat belatedly the paleness of Ianto's face and the tell tale drawn lines of stress around his eyes.

"Are you in pain?"

Ianto nodded. "That Dale bloke gave me a bit of a kicking yesterday."

Jack rolled his eyes. "Didn't Owen check you over?..... You didn't tell him did you?!"

Rather sheepishly Ianto dipped his head. "He was attending to Rhys and then I just sort of... well, it got by me I guess."

Jack rose to his feet. "Ianto Jones, get thee to the medical bay now!" He still had a hold on Ianto's hand so he pulled him to his feet and rather unceremoniously dragged him out of the office.

"Owen!"

Ianto reluctantly perched himself on the metal exam table and even more reluctantly removed his waistcoat, shirt and tie. Owen busied himself with his scanner then turned to face his patient with a sharp intake of breath.

"Just when exactly were you going to tell me?" he gestured to the purple bruising across Ianto's chest and abdomen.

"I've had worse Owen." It was a half hearted retort as he noticed Gwen and Tosh on the upper level looking down to see what was going on. Ianto didn't know where to put himself.

"Oh yes Dr Jones? Jack, make sure he doesn't escape. I'll get the portable deep tissue scanner, give me a minute."

Jack stood sentry at Ianto's left side closely examining the multiple colouration of Ianto's skin. "That guy really did a number on you."

Ianto was studying his fingernails. "I was rather more worried about the gun."

Gwen deciding that there was nothing to see went back to her desk, wondering what all the fuss about, Rhys had been shot after all. Tosh, however, came down the steps and stood at Ianto's other side and took his hand.

"Why didn't you say anything?" She was trying very hard to get Ianto to look at her. Ianto shrugged.

"Sorry."

Owen came back with calibrated scanner in hand. "Right you two out now.... Confidential medical consultation about to take place. I'm quite sure Tea Boy doesn't to be ogled while I poke him to death with my scanner....might get a couple of needles out for good measure."

Ianto winced. Jack and Tosh exited swiftly. Once he was certain they were gone Owen focussed on his patient and offered up a rueful smile.

"You were quite the hero, yesterday and just because you can wield kick ass with a stun gun doesn't mean you are invincible. You really must report any injuries Ianto, you could have some serious damage in there and not know.... Doctoring, my job; stun gunning, your job." He worked the device with practiced ease and Ianto watched in silence for a moment before finally speaking.

"I was angry yesterday, I'm sorry about not reporting to you. I honestly didn't think a few bumps and bruises were worth the fuss."

Owen paused for a moment. "You wanna tell me about what you were angry about?"

Ianto shook his head.

"Look mate, I know Jack behaved like a prawn ball yesterday and Gwen deserves a slap....."

"No, Owen. It's not that. Well not mostly. It was just a shit day for all of us."

Owen couldn't disagree with that. "Yeah, mate it was." He paused. "You've got two cracked ribs and one broken one. How are you not in agony?"

"I took some neurophen. It does hurt though."

"Well I shall have to tape you up for a bit and give you some stronger pain killers. You're off field ops for a couple of weeks too."

"Ok."

Owen put down the scanner. "Seriously mate, what's going on with you?"

Ianto looked at the medic and saw there was genuine concern there. "I talked to Jack about it. I think things just caught up with me, having Rhys out there was not good, it put us all at risk because Gwen wasn't focussed on the job and neither was Jack."

Owen held up a wadge of bandages. "Can you raise your arms?"

Ianto tried rather unsuccessfully. "Sorry." He bit out. "Yep that definitely hurts."

"Ok, I'll get Jack, he can hold your arms up whilst I tape."

Ianto nodded.

Owen disappeared up the steps and Ianto gazed about the autopsy bay in a bit of a daze; that had to have been the longest conversation he'd ever had with the acerbic medic without them fighting. A few moments and Jack was following Owen down the steps.

"Right Jack. I need you to hold his arms up so I can strap him up." Owen instructed preparing a shot of morphine. He held up the syringe. "Thigh or butt?"

Jack's face lit up. "His butt!"

Ianto flushed scarlet. "Either way it means dropping my trousers doesn't it."

Owen nodded.

Ianto stuck out his left arm. "Shoulder then."

Owen had to laugh. "Just this once, you know I don't like giving them in the arm, you don't have enough padding there."

"I'm not complaining." Ianto replied as Owen stuck the needle in to his upper arm.

"Give it about 20 minutes. I'll check your vitals..... should have done that first really."

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An hour later and Ianto was asleep on the couch in Jack's office and Jack and Owen were in the conference room.

"I take it there was a sedative in that little cocktail you gave him?"

Jack sat down pulling a pile of paperwork toward him, stuff he and Owen had to work through that day.

"Yep, looked like he needed a decent sleep."

They settled into the work going over all the reported odd cases, medically related.... reports that Ianto and Tosh had been collating from the local hospital databases. It was impossible to tell some days what could come through the rift, some things literally were as small as virus' and bacteria. Owen had been rather dismayed at the number of anomalies to come to light, hence this meeting. He scanned the document on the top of the pile as he spoke.

"You really should have Retconned Rhys, you know."

Jack paused, looking up. "Funny, Ianto said just the opposite. Truth is Owen I'm not sure what I should have done, but I think Gwen needs him to know otherwise their relationship is going to fall apart."

"I was rather under the impression that you wouldn't object to that happening." Owen stated meeting his somewhat scathing look.

"It's not what you think. Gwen is...... She reminds me what it is to be human." It sounded pathetic and he knew it, Owen did too.

"Bollocks Jack, she's rebellious and tenacious and stubborn and it turns you on and if Rhys had never been in the picture you would've been shagging her from day one."

"I seem to remember you getting there first."

"Touche. It was a fling for me Jack. I never had personal interest, no commitment in mind. She just needed a damn good hard shagging to de-stress with. She'd sooner have had you, still wants you and you're not exactly doing anything to discourage her."

Jack rested his hands down on the papers and sighed. "She loves Rhys, she's in love with the man she thinks I am not the person I really am."

"And you?"

"I find her refreshing, at least I did. Now she just makes me mad. I value her Owen, she is the only one of us with a life as Ianto so rightly pointed out to me this morning. She manages to look at the world with better eyes than the rest of us, she still has some hope. I don't want Torchwood to take that from her."

Owen snorted. "Probably shouldn't have recruited her then."

Jack leant back in his chair. "You think?"

"Don't get me wrong Jack, I'm glad you did. This place almost fell apart when you left, Gwen and Ianto pulled us all together and they both worked fucking hard to keep this place afloat. She's good in a fire fight. I trust her. It's just a shame that one day she'll end up as fucked up as the rest of us." Owen picked up his pen and underlined something he'd need to check later.

"Maybe having Rhys will prevent that."

Owen did not look convinced.

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Ianto awoke with a start and stretched painfully, forgetting where he was he rolled off the couch landing with an inelegant thump on the floor of Jack's office. An 'ooof' escaped him and he lay there for a moment, drawing in a long breath.

"Ow."

He knew he should move, but didn't really feel inclined to until he remembered he was in Jack's office, his darkened office. Feeling slightly panicked he glanced at his watch and hissed when he discovered it was nearly mid night. He dropped his head back down to the worn carpet and sighed, gazing at the old light fittings above him.

"Hey there, what are you doing on the floor?"

It was Jack and Ianto turned his head and got a good view of his bare feet and ankles.

"I fell off the couch."

Jack settled himself on the floor and Ianto was relieved to see that he was dressed in old track pants and ratty T- shirt, rather than his usual naked night-time self.

"I think I'm stuck here now." He added.

Jack was chuckling softly. "Need a blanket or a teddy bear perhaps?"

Ianto rolled his eyes. "You have a teddy?"

Jack nodded. "Estelle gave him to me."

Ianto's eyes widened. "A proper old teddy? Wow, my Tad used to have one. I had it buried with him, because he'd had it since birth. It seemed right to do that."

"You're Tad was a tailor, right?"

Ianto nodded. "Tomas Jones and his Tad, Ifan. They had the business in the family for years, we closed it when Tad passed away."

Jack was smiling. "I remember Ifan. He used to mend my first great coat, just after the war. He was.... a very colourful character as I recall."

Ianto cautiously rolled over on to his side so he could get a better look at Jack's face. "Please tell me you didn't?"

Jack noted the look of horror on the younger man's face and burst out laughing. "Hell no, he would have had me castrated..... No, we used to go out drinking together though. I remember his girlfriend Liliian, she was....."

"My grandmother."

Their eyes met and Jack was nodding slowly. "Yeah. You have her eyes. They were good friends until I was sent back to London, kinda lost touch after that." He was wistful, Ianto understood the meaning behind it.

"We don't have to lose touch Jack and I'd really like to hear more about them one day."

Jack smiled again and got to his feet, he held out his hands to Ianto, who grabbed them and stood up rather gingerly himself.

"I'll tell you everything I can, but in the meantime, I think I should drive you home so you can sleep properly." He held up a small bottle. "Pain killers from Owen."

Ianto took it. "Thanks."

**AN: Next chapter won't be so nice.... but won't be posted for a few days....sorry! Thank you for reading so far. I deliberately have made this quite a gentle start because I feel it was important to establish how the team were getting on that point especially Ianto, Owen and Jack. Thank you for your time and of course the lovely reviews and HAPPY EASTERTIDE.....Deeta.**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: WARNING, SOME BAD LANGUAGE IN THIS BIT.**

It was nearing 2am when they pulled up outside Ianto's flat in his old Triumph Stag. For once Ianto had let Jack drive it. Ianto was very protective of the old car that had once belonged to his late Tad. It was probably the only possession he had that he actually cared about. The car had history, his Tad had driven his Mam to hospital in it when she had been about to give birth to him. The motor had been his Tad's pride and joy and Ianto was in no way about to let it go. Ianto didn't live in an especially nice suburb and Jack had often wondered why Ianto had chosen to settle in the arse end of Splott as he pulled the keys from the ignition he finally plucked up the courage to ask. They got out of the car, more accurately Jack helped Ianto out.

"Why do you live here Yan?"

Ianto baulked at the abbreviated version of his name that no one had used in years. Walking ahead of Jack he pushed the battered front gate and walked up the path through an unkept front garden. Jack took in the shabby terrace, it was so un-Ianto like.

Ianto opened the front door and flicked on the hall light.

"It was cheap. I needed all the available money I had at the time to care for Lisa and to be honest I wasn't here often enough to notice how shit it is, trouble is now I can't sell it." He dropped his keys into a bowel on a table under the coat hooks. Jack followed him taking in the neat but somewhat sterile decor.

"You could rent it out and move somewhere a bit nicer."

Ianto hung up his coat with difficulty and Jack came to his rescue, then hung up his own. Ianto smiled to himself and wandered through to the kitchen.

"Coffee Jack?"

"No, you should be going to bed at this time, not plying me with caffeine. Come on. Owen made me promise you'd get some rest."

Ianto shook his head. "Can't have you upsetting Owen. Come through I've something I want to show you."

Jack was smiling, Ianto could tell.

"Ianto Jones....."

"Not that! Come on. I have some pictures for you."

Ianto went upstairs and Jack hesitated wondering whether or not he should follow, but Ianto turned on the top riser and looked down at him.

"You coming?"

Jack followed and discovered rather disappointedly that he had not been lead into the bedroom, but a small room converted into an office. He found Ianto pulling out an old dusty book from a shelf and he smiled as Ianto passed it to him.

"It was my grandmother's. She passed away a few months ago and I got all her personal things. That's her photos from the 1940s, I thought you might like to see."

Jack's face lit up. "Sit with me while I look?"

Ianto nodded and gestured through the door.

They settled themselves, still dressed, on Ianto's bed. It was the first time Jack had been in this house, this room and he took in the typical Ianto understated neatness. The bed however was a welcome comfortable change from his bunk as he settled back against a pile of feather pillows and opened the book. Ianto's warm presence close to his side was something else he found comforting.

"Grandmam didn't label any of these so I don't know who some of them are."

Jack was transfixed by the images of a past he had partially forgotten until then. "That's Max Davies and George Jones... They were both fishermen, Ifan and I used to go out with them sometimes, George was a cantancerous old bastard, but he was generous, used to help out with the evacuee kids that had lost their parents......"

The two of them lay there in the dim light of Ianto's beside lamp, pouring over old photos and Ianto carefully making pencil notes beside each one as Jack talked through them; an hour in and he found a picture of Lillian and Ifan, sitting on a dry stone wall. Jack hesitated, touching the image with reverence.

"I was so lost after the war. Felt like I had no purpose and I was missing Estelle. Those two, they were so good to me. I met him when I went to his shop to get my coat fixed, stupid really the one thing I never learnt was how to fix my clothes. We just got on, he was straight forward and refreshing and he never took any crap from anyone, except Lillian, she had him wrapped around her pinkies." Jack just sat there gazing at the image for a long time, Ianto was beginning to worry that he'd upset him.

"Jack?"

Jack looked at him with an unreadable expression on his face. "Thank you, for showing me these. I would have forgotten otherwise. I don't like to forget. Thank you."

Ianto offered up a faint, shy smile. "Keep it Jack, keep the book. It means far more to you than it does to me. I'd like you to have and I think Grandmam would too."

Jack closed his and hugged it to his chest. "I'll look after it."

Ianto nodded. "I know you will." And then he yawned expansively.

Jack snapped out of his nostalgic mood and put the book aside on the cabinet next to the bed.

"Owen is going to kill me. Come on you, into bed and sleep. I should get back to the Hub anyway."

Ianto nodded and got up. "Take my car. The keys are by the front door."

Retreiving the book Jack got up and went to the door. "Take today off, give those ribs a rest. I'll call you tonight."

"Yep, come on I'll see you out so I can lock up behind you."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Coleen Simpkins backed up against her bedroom wall, her bottom lip trembling as tears rolled down her gaunt white face.

"You fucking slag. You are nothing but a cheap thrills junkie!"

She blubbered and cried. "I'm sorry John, I'm sorry. He didn't pay me honest."

She cringed away from his bellowing and watched as he threw her things around the dingey room smashing her little pottery cats against the wall and yelling obsenities at her. She knew she was just a useless tart; that was all she had ever been since leaving school.

"What the fuck do you think you were playing at spending my hard earned money on fucking tainted crack. I own you, you don't spend anything the clients hand out; you hear me!" His shouting got louder and he lunged at her, fists flying into her face. Coleen just kept screaming out for him to stop.

"What the hell is going on? Leave her alone!"

John swung round gobsmacked to find a young man in track pants and T-shirt standing in the door way.

"Coleen are you ok?" The stranger took a step forward. John was livid, who the fuck was this? Before even thinking he pulled out his shiny new hand gun, aimed it roughly and squeezed the trigger.


	5. Chapter 5

The light was too bright in his eyes and Ianto forced them to stay closed as he curled in on himself. His stomach hurt, really hurt. He lay in a tight ball, knees drawn up to his chest on his side, damned uncomfortable. His bed was never like this and he shivered feeling cold, the floor digging into his left shoulder. The floor, a stinking, sticky, well worn carpet, that smelt.... shit .... he didn't know. His eyes snapped open to a titled blurry world and he gasped in a painful breath. Fucking ribs... Jesus Christ. Why was he wet? Ianto stretched out his hand, his red hand, that was wet with.... Oh God. He could feel himself falling, the world spinning out from under him.

"Help!" It cracked out as barely a whisper as tears flooded and the pain threatened to overwhelm him with unconsciousness. He blinked the water away recognising a strange room, broken and abandoned things lying at his eye level.

"Help me." It was weaker than the last one and Ianto hitched a frightened breath and tried to move. The pain almost blacked him out and stars exploded. "Oh God." He hissed it out and rolled instinctively on to his back, blinking at the naked light bulb above him. His hands sought out the bloody mess of his stomach and he tried vainly to press down as the warm liquid seeped between his fingers. "Someone help me, please." Ianto had never felt more alone in his life.

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Jack carefully placed the photo book in the bottom draw of his desk, lovingly running his finger tips over it before closing the draw. It was impossible to put into words how much that gift meant to him. He was certain that Ianto hadn't known, the young man had just done something that came naturally to him, giving something recognising the happiness it had brought to Jack. It was so much more than that, it represented a part of his life lost to everything but memory. It hadn't been the happiest of times, but it had been one of his turning points, Ifan and Lillian had truly saved him from going under in his self pity and loneliness. They had recognised in him so much of what they had seen in other ex service men, a sense of destitution and loss brought about by the war. The irony of being happy in Wartime was never lost on Jack. He got up and poured himself a decent sized measure of single malt and decided to address the rest of the paperwork he and Owen had started on in the boardroom.

Ianto lay there panting, realising that he had to move, at least try to make it to a phone, or out of the house. The pain was bad each time he even considered moving, the blood was still oozing out of him and somewhere in the fog of his shock he knew he didn't have long left to make his move. Ianto gritted his teeth and rolled once again, this time on to his stomach, his outcry was ragged as he launched himself up on to his hands and knees and started to crawl, practically dragging his legs forwards a few inches at a time. He cried, he shouted and he moved, slowly like his body was weighed down with lead. He managed to make it out of the room and to the top landing and he saw the stairwell expand in front of him. It shifted and tilted and Ianto's body sagged down, his arms too weak to carry him forwards. He was splayed on his stomach, panting shallowly the air refusing to enter his lungs as his ribs protested at the excursion. After sometime the smell of the carpet beneath him became too much and somehow it brought him to his senses a little. Ianto edged forwards grasping at the banister as he tried to edge himself on to the stairs. He cursed against the pain and dizziness and hauled himself up on to his knees. Somehow he managed to get his feet in front of him and firmly planted on the third riser down. He shuffled forwards using his grip on the wooden rails to enable him to sit on his arse and edge downwards one agonising step at a time. Half way down his grip weakened and he pitched forwards tumbling down the last six steps and landing in a howling heap at the bottom. He stared up at front door through bleary vision and bit at his lip as he tried to shift himself back on to his hands and knees. The pain cut through every nerve in his battered body, but he bit it back with determination, his sights set on the door handle.

Mrs Willis popped her cat out rather unceremoniously and up a crisp packet that had blown on to her pitiful excuse for a lawn. She turned on seeing Coleen's front door fling open about to greet the rather unpleasant neighbour she'd often complained about.......

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

That evening, paperwork done, weevils contained and the end of the world averted again Jack sent Tosh and Gwen home, whilst he and Owen continued to go through the reports. He phoned Ianto at home and got no answer, the young Welshman was probably asleep and Jack had no desire to interrupt any rest he was able to get. He was more than a little surprised to receive a phone call from PC Andy Davidson at 9pm advising him that Ianto had been admitted into AnE.

Owen thought Jack's driving would give him heart failure and it took them a record 6 minutes to get to the hospital from the Hub in Ianto's car. Ianto would be moaning like hell about speeding tickets in a couple of weeks time. The affable young police officer was waiting for them when they arrived and he and Owen practically had to sit on Jack to keep him out of the way whilst the doctors in the emergency room worked on his junior employee. A staff nurse showed them to a relatives room and PC Andy stood guard in front of the door while he explained what he knew.

"We got a call from a Mrs Willis, two doors down from Mr Jone's flat. He's been shot in the stomach and he was in his neighbour's house when it happened."

Owen and Jack offered up puzzled looks.

"Coleen Samson, she's got form, drugs, petty theft, soliciting. Mrs Willis said she heard lots of arguing and banging about at 6am this morning....."

"That's almost 14 hours ago." Owen snapped. "How come it's only just been reported?"

Andy sighed perusing his notebook. "There's always fighting in that house, there have been a number of complaints. Mr Jones himself called out to a domestic there about a month ago, by Miss Samson wouldn't press charges against the bloke who assaulted her."

Jack was shaking his head impatiently. "So what the fuck happened to Ianto?"

"We're not sure and until he regains consciousness, we're not likely to."

Jack sagged back in the plastic chair. "Owen get in there, do what you can, stay with him, you're the only doctor I trust.


	6. Chapter 6

Jack got out of Ianto's car and locked the door. There was a collection of police vehicles still parked outside Ianto's house and police tape was stretched across the entrance to the neighbours house. Jack pulled out his ID and waved at the officers gathered by the front gate and he strode past them without a word and ducked under the tape. He was met at the front door of the house by DI Swanson.

"Captain Harkness, I wondered when you'd show up." She was surprised by his somewhat subdued entrance and even more taken aback by the terse look on his handsome face.

"Kathy, what have you got?" he decided to get straight to business as the detective steered him back outside on to the garden path.

"Let Soco's finish up then I'll take you in." She kept a gentle grip on his arm until Jack nodded. "So far as we can tell, early this morning the neighbours were having a row, looks like it got violent. I think that your officer who lives next door heard the noise and decided to intervene. He was shot at close range, single bullet that went straight through, my boys are digging it out of the wall now. He was shot upstairs, and somehow managed to drag himself down the stairwell and out through the front door, which is when the other neighbour called it in."

"So who shot him?"

Kathy shrugged. "I've no idea, could be a boyfriend, pimp or dealer, she had record long as your coat, but I don't think it likely that it was she that pulled the trigger. I'm hoping ballistics will turn something up....." She paused realising just how distant the enigmatic man was looking. "How's your friend?"

Jack snapped out of his apparent daze. "He's not so good." He replied quietly sucking in a deep breath. "Look this isn't within my jurisdiction, but I'd like your people to keep me posted on this. Ianto's important to me."

Kathy nodded understanding. "No problem. I'll liase with Gwen Cooper. Did you want to see the house?"

Jack shook his head. "No, thank you Kathy." And with that he swung away and walked briskly back to Ianto's car. On the drive back to the Hub he rang Tosh and asked her to come into work despite the fact that it was almost midnight. She was waiting for him when he got there himself.

"What's going on Jack?" She settled herself at her desk and began booting up her computer. Jack pulled off his greatcoat and sat down on Gwen's chair swinging round so that he was facing the Japanese woman.

"Ianto was shot early this morning."

Tosh's hand went to her mouth.

"Owen is with him now, but I need you to pull up the CCTV for Ianto's street; the last 18 hours should do it, it's the house next door to his, I need to see who goes in and out."

Tosh was already punching keys. "That may not be so easy.....There isn't a clear view of the road, those cameras were vandalised last summer and the council hasn't gotten round to fixing them yet." She replied.

Jack blanched, "How do you know that?"

Tosh actually looked apologetic. "When you were away I kept tabs on him, because he was down. I was worried about him. I kept tabs on everyone actually, but the area where Ianto lives isn't exactly the nicest part of town. Don't tell him though, he'll kill me."

Jack offered up a comforting smile. "I won't tell, ok widen the scans, collect the car number plates for anyone driving into his street, you know the drill. I left his place at 4am this morning so start from there. We can get Gwen to run the plate numbers when she gets in." Jack glanced at his watch. "I'm going back to the hospital right after I've called his mother with the bad news."

Tosh's head snapped up. "Jack, did you know that Ianto hasn't spoken to his mother in years?"

Jack frowned shaking his head. "Why?"

Tosh shrugged. "I think it was something to do with his Dad's death. He didn't elaborate, he only told me that much because we were talking about mother's day..... Tread carefully, that's all."

Jack nodded thoughtfully. "Thanks for the warning." He got up and went to his office to dig out Ianto's personnel folder and when he opened it he discovered there were no contact details for next of kin because Ianto had removed them. Jack closed up the file with a sigh.

"Shit."

He came back out of his office and placed Ianto's file on Gwen's desk. He faced Tosh. "Ask Gwen to track down Ianto's family in the morning and call them, but get her to ring me first." He pulled his coat back on and left Tosh to get on.

Tosh watched him for a moment. "You didn't say how bad it was."

Jack shrugged. "I'm hoping to find out when I get there."

"Call me?"

Jack nodded. "I will, as soon as I know."

Tosh got back to work as Jack left the Hub.

Jack found Owen in the surgical waiting room hunched over a plastic cup of coffee. Owen looked up and offered up slight smile.

"Did you talk to the police?"

Jack took a seat beside him. "Yep, Kathy Swanson is on the case, she's going to keep us posted and Tosh is doing a CCTV search as we speak. How is he?"

Owen abandoned the drink. "Touch and go Jack. He lost a lot of blood and his left lung collapsed. Looks like he took a beating on top of the one Dale gave him at the warehouse."

Jack nodded. "It's possible he fell down a flight of stairs trying to get out of the house. Swanson says he was upstairs when he was shot."

"What the fuck was he doing there?"

"Judging from what the police are telling us, sounds like he was trying to break up a fight, though why the fuck he went in there unarmed....."

"Are we sure he wasn't shot with his own weapon?"

Jack shrugged. "It's possible. I didn't check his house to see if his gun was there. Ballistics guys were pulling the slug out of the wall when I spoke to Kathy, she seems to think that's the best lead we're going to get, there's no sign of either of the two people, so they probably did a runner as soon as the trigger was pulled."

"Fucking cunts." Owen muttered. Jack couldn't argue with that. He gestured in the direction of the operating suite.

"How long?"

Owen stretched. "He only went in a few minutes ago. It took a long time to get him stabelised, we had to crack his chest in resuss so he's gonna be laid up for a good while."

Jack winced. "Is there anything else we can do here?"

Owen shook his head. "You'll need to hang around, you're the closest thing he has to next of kin, you may have to make some decisions regarding..... whether or not, well whether or not to pull the plug."

Jack hauled out a sigh. "Shit. He has family, but there's nothing on the file. They need to be contacted."

Owen got up and faced him. "I'll see to it Jack. You stay here. I'll get Cooper up as well, she deserves to up with the rest of us."

Jack shook his head. "To be honest Owen I'd rather not have her around right now, she needs to cool off after what happened. If you do call her in, keep her away from the hospital, she's the last person I want to talk to right now."

Owen completely understood, Gwen had certainly overstepped the mark again. "Don't worry. Just keep us posted on Ianto's progress."

"Owen, just be warned, if you get hold of Ianto's mother; Tosh tells me they are not on speaking terms, I don't know the details."

"Right boss, you know me the soul of discretion."


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: For all you Gwen fans out there!!!!**

"Awww, not the bloody phone Gwen, it's 2am!"

Rhys rolled over and winced, still sore from the gunshot wound to his shoulder. He watched in the dim light as his wife struggled into her clothes.

"I've got to go Rhys. Ianto's been shot, they need me at the Hub, I'm sorry love. You understand?"

Rhys did. "Go on get going. Give me a call later let me know how he is." Rhys had liked his fellow countryman the moment he had met him. Gwen kissed his cheek.

"You stay in bed and rest, don't you dare go to work! I'll be back as soon as I can."

Twenty minutes later and Gwen was striding in through the roller door. She exchanged a quick greeting with Tosh before turning to Owen.

"What happened? How is he?"

Owen sauntered over to her. "Not sure on both counts yet, Jack's at the hospital. We've no info on Ianto's family and they need to be contacted, can you see to it please and be diplomatic because apparently Ianto is estranged from his relatives."

Gwen nodded, realising that it must be bad. She grasped Owen wrist. "Is Jack ok?"

Owen shrugged. "I wouldn't go crossing his path in a hurry Gwen, if I were you."

She nodded knowing full well what Owen was referring to. "I'll get right on to this." She wasn't sure what else she should say really.

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It was almost eight hours before the surgeon who had operated on Ianto came out from theatre. Jack stood up to meet her and the woman, in her mid fifties looked exhausted as she pulled away her disposable cap and shook her greying hair loose.

"Captain Harkness?"

Jack nodded and they both sat down, Jack waiting for her to speak.

"Mr Jones has made it through surgery, just. He's going to be moved to ICU. He's being ventilated until such time as his lung regains some independent function. The bullet missed his stomach, but there's some liver damage and potentially some spinal bruising at the exit point, and of course the cracked and broken ribs. I don't know if Dr Harper explained that we had to crack open his chest to get his heart going again, he insisted, it's not normally something we would try. He's not out of the woods yet and I am going to recommend that he not be resuscitated if his heart gives out again."

"Is that likely?"

"There's a reasonable chance. However as you are listed as his next of kin, the decision is yours." She replied curtly.

Jack knew her brusque manner was because she was tired. "I want him resuscitated, I'm afraid I can't sign him off like that."

The surgeon nodded. "Alright. There's no guarentees. It is in the balance. Is there any family?"

"We're trying to contact them now, but Ianto hasn't communicated with them in years."

"Right, well then. You should be able to sit with him in another hour or so, if you so choose."

"Thank you."

Jack watched as the surgeon walked away with slumped shoulders. He pulled out his phone and dialled the Hub. Gwen answered.

"_Hey Jack. How's Ianto?"_

He was happy to note genuine concern in her voice. "He's just come out of theatre, have you had any luck with contacting his family?"

"_Yes, Jack. His mother is on her way down from Leeds, should be there shortly. Is there anything I can do?"_

Jack was shaking his head as he spoke. "No, just keep in touch with DI Swanson. As soon as Ianto's mother gets here I'll come back to the Hub. Is Rhys ok, his shoulder?"

Jack could feel her smile from there. _"He's fine Jack, thank you. Did you want to speak to Owen or Tosh?"_

"No, just wanted to know if she'd had any luck with the CCTV?"

"_We're doing vehicle checks and face recognition as we speak, nothing yet, but we've only just started. I'll ring Kathy and see if she has anything new at her end."_

"Thanks Gwen. I'll be back soon."

"_Jack?"_

"Yes."

"_Is Ianto conscious?"_

"No he isn't, I'm going in to see him in a little while."

"_Well give him our love anyway."_

Jack hitched a smile himself. "Yeah, will do."

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Gwen put the phone down and turned to Tosh and Owen who had gathered behind her to find out what was happening.

"He's out of surgery, Jack says he's still unconscious. It doesn't sound very good judging from Jack's tone. He's going to stay there until Ianto's Mam arrives."

Owen ambled off in the direction of the roller door. "I'm gonna get coffees, you two want one?"

"Yes, please." Tosh and Gwen replied in unison as they went back to their work at the computers. Gwen was rather hoping they could come up with something to give to the police, but she picked up her mobile and rang Kathy's private number anyway. Gwen was very worried about her youngest colleague and felt vaguely useless behind her desk, even though they were doing all that they could.

"Oh, hi Kathy. It's Gwen Cooper, Torchwood. Regarding the Ianto Jones case. I was wondering if there had been any developments?" Gwen sat and listened tapping her pen against her desk. Tosh buried herself back in her task, running through some enhancements on the facial recognition and then glancing periodically at the Rift monitor to her right. Thankfully the Rift was being quiet and co-operative. She kept half an ear on Gwen's conversation but waited for her to hang up before facing her. Gwen was looking distinctly thoughtful.

"Ianto's neighbour one Coleen Samson, turned up dead in Bute Park about two hours ago. They think it was a heroine overdose, but they'll be doing a PM tomorrow, she had a hand gun in her possession which they think may have been the weapon used against Ianto."

Tosh visibly relaxed. "So they found his assailant then?"

Gwen shook her head. "I suspect she was given the overdose and the gun planted, the girl was a crack head, even I remember arresting her when I was still on the force. It was probably her pimp with a gun he bought under the table in a pub, that's usually how they turn up. They haven't had the ballistics results yet either, but I suspect it was the weapon used..... Poor Ianto, to get shot over some junked up tart like that. He shouldn't be so gallant."

Tosh had to smile at the observation. "Ianto always has been a gentleman. I think that's what Jack loves about him."

Gwen's eyebrows shot up. "Jack?"

Tosh sighed, she was still cross with Gwen over what happened the other day. "Yes, Jack. He and Ianto....."

Gwen nodded. "It's why he got so mad with me, isn't it. When I yelled at him about Rhys. God I wish I could take that whole day back."

Tosh nodded. "Neither of you were at your best. Jack shouldn't have let Rhys go to the warehouse, you were right about that, but don't think for one moment it's cold and lonely for all of us out there."

Gwen looked thoughtful for a moment before giving Tosh a sincere smile. "I'm sorry I said that. I know I shouldn't have. I know sometimes I don't treat Rhys as well as I should and I'm in no position to judge, but it really frightened me seeing him get shot, knowing that he really would take a bullet to protect me."

"He's a good man Gwen."

"Yes, he is. I am so lucky to have him."

"But you fancy Jack." Tosh couldn't help herself.

"Who wouldn't Tosh? He's handsome, heroic and I am completely enamoured by him and part of me does love him, but I love Rhys more and like you said I think Jack has his sights fixed on our Tea Boy." She couldn't help but be surprised by that and looked wistful for a moment; then shook herself. "I really am sorry Tosh. I didn't want to hurt anyone."

"Apology accepted."


	8. Chapter 8

Jack stepped into the quiet corner of ICU and watched as the two nurses finished getting Ianto settled. There was a hell of a lot of machinery and more disturbingly a huge dressing that covered Ianto's chest and abdomen. Jack had never seen so many leads, wires and tubes and amid it all lay Ianto, his frame dwarfed by the technology keeping him alive, making him look small and insignificant. It vaguely and rather ironically reminded him of Lisa. Jack waited for the nurse to leave and then pulled the screen across to give him some privacy. This was the first time he had seen Ianto since he was brought into hospital and he knew he had to try this before Ianto's family could turn up and interfere. Unfortunately there was a breathing tube jammed in Ianto's mouth, held in place with gauze tape. Jack gently brushed at his cheek with his finger tip and then leant forward covering his lips with his own, trying to ignore the presence of the medical apparatus as he forced his life's energy down Ianto's throat. He could feel it flooding out of his lungs and spreading into Ianto, but the young man did not react and after an exhausting couple of minutes Jack pulled away, watching closely for any sign of immediate change. He smiled, realising that there was maybe the tiniest bit more colour in Ianto's whitened cheeks. He sat down then and gripped Ianto's limp hand and waited for his mother to arrive.

The screen was swept back by a member of the nursing staff.

"I'm sorry, we need to keep this open so we can keep an eye on the monitors." He explained in a gentle local accent.

Jack nodded. "Yes, of course. I just needed a moment."

The man nodded and moved away, a moment later and an Asian woman in a lab coat was there, charts in hand. "Are you a relative of the patient?"

Jack smiled up at her. "I'm his partner." That wasn't strictly true he realised.

"May we talk?" She gestured to the other chair before seating herself.

"So, doctor, how is he?"

"You know he was shot?"

Jack nodded.

"Right, ok. He's very seriously ill. He went without oxygen for almost 20minutes when he flatlined in Casualty. His injuries aside, we just completed a thorough exam and there's some serious brain damage, due to oxygen depravation. The machines you see here are what's keeping him breathing, it is highly unlikely that he will regain consciousness and even if he does, well he certainly won't be the man you knew before this happened. He will need extensive nursing care, probably for the rest of his life."

Jack sagged in his seat. "You want me to change my mind about the resuscitation order?"

The doctor nodded. "I believe it will be in his best interests if we turn off the life support and let him go peacefully."

Jack his head. "Absolutely not. No."

The doctor shifted in her seat. "I am willing to give him a few days....."

Jack glared at her. "Fine, then I'll make arrangements to have him transferred to a UNIT hospital because no way in hell are you turning off the machines, am I clear on that?"

Somewhat affronted she rose to her feet. "Of course." She stepped away deciding that she should try again tomorrow. The hospital needed the bed space.

Emma Howard stepped on to the ward and glanced around the array of beds and equipment until her dark eyes came to rest on a green uniformed member of staff. She was greeted with a smile.

"Ianto Jones? I'm his mother." She asked quietly.

She was pointed to the far end of the room and another bed swamped with equipment, and a strange man hunched over the bedside, wearing an old coat. Emma sucked in a steadying breath and walked over. She was completely unprepared for the sight of her son and stopped a couple of paces from the end of the bed, her hand over her mouth.

"Oh, dear God, Ianto."

Jack's head snapped up and he narrowed his eyes at the new arrival, he relaxed straight away when he realised he was looking at Ianto's mother. He rose to his feet and extended his hand.

"Mrs Jones?"

Shaken out of her shock she took the hand. "Actually it's Howard now, but call me Emma. You are?"

Jack offered up a faint smile. "I'm Ianto's boss and his partner."

"What, business partner?"

Jack raised his eyebrows. "Er no, he's my boyfriend." He hated the word, but it was the easiest way to clarify things.

Emma completely failed to hide her surprise. "Oh, forgive me. Sorry, last I heard he was with a girl called Lisa."

Jack swallowed, wondering just how long it had actually been since she had spoken to her child. "Lisa died 2 years ago in a terrorist attack at Canary Wharf."

"I see. So..er...."

"Jack."

"Jack, the police didn't tell me much. What happened to him?" She settled herself in the chair the doctor had used earlier and gently reached out and stroked Ianto's still hand. It took enormous effort not to cry.

"I'm not certain of the details myself. I just know he was shot. The police are investigating of course."

They fell silent for a moment. "The doctors want to turn off the life support. I've refused them permission. I'll be having him transferred to a private military hospital in the next couple of days."

Emma looked at him across the bed. "I see. Do I have a say in this?"

Jack shook his head. "No ma'am. Ianto and I both work for the government; that gives us special access to better medical care. I believe he can make a full recovery, the NHS don't have the time or the resources he needs." Jack's grip on Ianto's hand tightened. "I'm not prepared to give up on him quite so readily. I need to be sure everything has been tried first."

Emma nodded noted the man's hold on her son's hand, she realised she had no right to dispute his wish. "Will I be able to see him?"

Jack nodded. "I'll make sure you can."

They were quiet again, both looking at Ianto as he lay there seemingly oblivious to their concerns. Jack wanting to try and revive him again, and needing the space and privacy to do it. His eyes drifted back over Emma, she was an elegant woman who appeared to be fiftyish, she bore no resemblance to Ianto with whitened blonde hair and dark brooding eyes.

"What happened Emma? Why did you two stop talking?"

Emma kept her eyes on Ianto as she spoke. "He was angry with me. The Christmas after his Tad died, I introduced him to my now husband. He hasn't spoken to me since December 2002. I only get half hearted reports from his sister about what he's up to. Rhia doesn't tell me much. He's just like his Father. I lost them both when he died. Ianto idolised his Tad. You know I don't even know if he finished his degree at Cambridge." She wiped at a lone tear that found it's way out. "I miss him so much. He was always such a polite and good humoured boy, everybody liked him."

Jack couldn't help but smile. "He hasn't changed much then. Look Emma, I have to make some calls. I'll get you some tea or something when I get back. I won't be long." Jack leant forward and kissed Ianto's forehead.

"Be back soon Cariad." Was whispered against Ianto's ear. Jack straightened up and faced her. "Don't let those doctors do anything until I get back."

Emma nodded.

"Jack?"

"Yes?"

"Is he happy?"

Jack chewed at his lip for a moment. "Not always, but mostly I think, yes. I know he loves his job and the people he works with." He replied.

"And you?"

"He makes me happy."

Jack turned away realising that that was the truth of the matter, though he'd yet to admit that to Ianto himself. He just hoped he wasn't too late as he walked out of the ward.


	9. Chapter 9

Owen pulled his phone out from the pocket of his jeans as he tried to juggle his tray of Starbucks coffees. He was more than a little surprised when Jack ordered him to organise a transfer for Ianto to a UNIT medical facility. He told Jack he'd get right to it.

Jack ambled back into ICU and carefully passed a cup of tea to Ianto's mother. She accepted it with a nod of thanks as Jack resumed his seat at Ianto's side. He was feeling slightly impatient because he really wanted to try another attempt at waking up Ianto so he decided to pull his weight a bit.

"I was wondering if you'd give us a little time, please. Just ten minutes I...."

Emma was straight up on her feet. "Of course Jack. I shall just go and phone his sister, she'll want to know what's happened. I don't suppose anyone has called her yet." She backed away and watched as Jack pulled the curtain across. The nurse at the station got to his feet but Emma intercepted him.

"I think he just needs a few minutes private time, give him that, please."

He nodded and went back to his station.

Jack sighed looking down at his comatose lover with concern. "Come on you stubborn bastard." He whispered against Ianto's dry lips. Once again he covered Ianto's mouth with his, exhaling the strandlike yellow energy from within him, one hand gripped tightly around Ianto's. Jack closed his eyes using every ounce of will power he could muster and finally he felt a weak flicker of response beneath him and Ianto squeezed his hand back. Jack remained in place for another moment, feeling Ianto's grip strengthen and then the flutter of his eyelashes against his cheek. Ending the kiss Jack stepped back and looked down into two confused pools of blue. The monitors started beeping and Jack straightened up as the nurse appeared, completely gobsmacked to discover his patient was awake. Ianto fixed a somewhat panicked look upon Jack and held his gaze. Jack didn't notice the commotion around them, or Ianto's mother at his side looking down at her son, until the Asian doctor was back trying to guide him away.

"We need to get him off the ventilator, give us a few minutes please."

Jack refused to release Ianto's hand, not trusting the medical staff one bit.

"I'm staying, you do what you have to do, but I am staying."

The next hour passed by in a blur as medical staff worked around Jack. He barely noticed, just kept his eyes locked with Ianto's holding his gaze, afraid that if he stopped the young man would sink away from him again. At some point he was sitting back down and the nurses and doctors were gone, chatting amongst themselves unable to believe that the patient was awake and lucid. Jack was just glad to see them go and Emma was watching him closely from the other side of her son's bed. Ianto was lying semi reclined against a mountain of pillows, looking washed out, but very much animated.

"Thank you, Jack." It was uttered so quietly that Emma almost missed it and she wondered what had transpired.

Jack just didn't see her, he was still completely focussed on her son.

"Any time just not in a hurry ok; I don't want to have to do that again. How do you feel?"

Ianto closed his eyes and smiled. "Like someone shot me in the guts. How do I look?" His voice was ragged.

Jack grinned. "Like the aftermath of one of Owen's autopsies."

"That good huh?"

Jack nodded. "I called your Mam, she's here....."

Ianto's eyes snapped open and he turned his head and their eyes met, Ianto moved his head back to face Jack. "I don't want her here, why did you call her?"

Emma rose to her feet to leave, gathering her coat.

Jack was frowning. "Ianto! Sit down Emma, please."

Reluctantly she did as Jack asked; Ianto had reacted just as she'd expected him to.

"Ianto, she is your mother. We thought we would lose you.... she's your mother."

Ianto gazed at Jack with that look that told Jack he was in deep shit. "You should not have called her." Ianto faced her again. "Please go back to Leeds. I really don't want you here."

Emma got up again. "I know Ianto, I'm sorry, I just wanted to be sure that you were ok and I can see that you are." Jack sighed but noted that there were no tears in her eyes as she held out her hand. "It was nice to meet you Jack."

He nodded and smiled at her. "Thank you for coming, even if he doesn't appreciate it, I do."

He shook her hand; then pulling her coat tightly about her she left the ward.

Jack actually managed to glare at Ianto. "You and I are going to have a long talk about this when you're better."

Ianto sighed. "No we are not. It's nothing to do with you Jack. I haven't spoken to her for years and I am not about to start now." He was too tired for this and suddenly registered the dismay and hurt on Jack's face. "I'm sorry Jack.... I'm sorry."

Jack nodded slowly, this wasn't the time. He was just relieved that Ianto was awake and compus mentis. He gently brushed his cheek.

"We're moving you to a UNIT hospital."

"Ok." Ianto didn't much care he was annoyed, tired and confused. "How bad was it Jack?" He asked on looking down at the sizable dressings covering his body and thanking God for the unmistakeable fuzzy haze of the morphine.

"It took me two goes to get you to wake this time. I nearly lost you." There was a desperate edge to Jack's voice that Ianto found mildly disconcerting.

"I'll die one day anyway. Is it so bad Jack?"

Jack nodded. "Yep. Really not ready to let you run out on me just yet."

Ianto shot him an angry look. "But it's ok to run out on me?"

"That's not fair Ianto."

Ianto squeezed Jack's fingers and sighed. "I know. I'm sorry for that too. I just wasn't expecting to wake up to her being there..... I don't remember what happened Jack, just some one shot me."

"Don't worry about that for now. You want some water?"

Ianto nodded.

"I'll find out if you can have some." Jack got up and leant forward to kiss Ianto's forehead.

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Emma sighed and stood leaning against the wall outside AnE, she pulled out her phone and rang her husband in Leeds, she got his voice mail service.

"I'm driving back tonight, Ianto's gonna be ok, but he didn't want to see me so there's no point in my staying. I'll see you in a few hours." She hung up and then stuffed the phone in her hand bag.

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The following day Owen oversaw Ianto's transfer to the UNIT hospital near Bristol. Jack spent the day alternating between the Hub and packing up the possessions in Ianto's flat. He made the decision to move his Tea Boy into one of the much nicer and closer to the Hub, Torchwood safe houses. He'd deal with Ianto's reaction to this imposition later. Gwen was rather bemused when Jack asked if Rhys could spare a truck and a driver to help him out, so she offered to do it herself. Gwen loved driving the trucks and she felt it was one way she could help in her apology to Jack, so late that night she turned up at Ianto's house with Rhys in tow, who just made the odd cup of tea while they worked to move Ianto's things. Jack knew that Ianto would be cross with him for taking this decision, but Jack wanted him somewhere safer, especially once he came out of hospital.

Ianto spent the night lying on his back regretting the fact that he had sent his mother away when he most needed her and had probably hurt both hers and Jack's feelings into the bargain.


	10. Chapter 10

Ianto perched himself on the edge of the bed and gazed about despondently. He realised he should be grateful that he was being discharged from UNIT's care, but that also meant returning home where he didn't feel especially confident because it wasn't even his home he was going back to. He sat the fiddling with the handle of the walking stick he'd been issued with, something else he wasn't happy about, but he had to grudgingly admit that he did need it if only temporarily. He was waiting for Jack and of course Jack was late. Not that Ianto minded, he had offered to get a cab, but Jack wouldn't allow it so he was more than relieved when Gwen stepped into the room with a cheery smile on her face.

"Hey Ianto. You ready?"

Ianto nodded and Gwen grabbed the bag that sat at his feet and slowed her stride to keep pace with him as they left the hospital. Getting into Gwen's car was a little awkward, but he managed it without assistance and Gwen keyed the ignition. Ianto leaned his head back against the seat and closed his eyes.

"You ok pet?"

He nodded. "Yeah, thanks, just a bit tired. Thanks for coming to get me."

"It's ok. Jack would've but we've had bit of an alert thing going down and he's just been so busy."

"It's ok Gwen, it's Torchwood it has to take priority. I told Jack I'd get a cab, he shouldn't have made you come all the way out here."

Gwen shot him a brief glance. "I volunteered Ianto, didn't like the idea of you trying to do things on your own. I know you, trying to do things by yourself."

Ianto wasn't entirely sure how to answer that, so he just gazed at the passing traffic.

"Look Ianto, tell me to shut up, but Jack mentioned something about your family, he seemed really upset about something and I know he hasn't come to see you whilst you've been here in Bristol. Did something happen?" Gwen heard him heave out a sigh.

"He's angry with me because I sent my mother away. I don't have anything to do with my family. Jack doesn't understand that and seems to think he can make it all better by getting me to talk to them."

"He's just trying to help you, love. Jack's very fond of you." It irked her a little to admit it, especially when Ianto was being so bloody difficult.

"It gives him no right to interfere with my life like that. He didn't even ask me if I wanted to move house. He just moved everything and I don't even know where I am living now."

Ok, so he had a point, Gwen was certain she wouldn't want anyone controlling her like that. Ianto just figited in his seat.

"I'm sorry Gwen. I know I should be grateful that he cares enough to do those things, but I am not a child."

Gwen looked steadfastly ahead. "Perhaps you and he need to talk about it when we get back."

The rest of the journey continued in awkward silence, Gwen was the last person that Ianto wanted to discuss his inner most feelings with so he was very relieved when they finally arrived at the flat. Gwen handed him the set of keys and left him at the doorstep before heading back to the Hub.

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Ianto surveyed the lounge in which he stood. He had to admit to himself that it was considerably nicer than the other one back in Splott, affording a vista of the bay and the beautiful Cardiff skyline. He dropped the bag on the polished wooden floor and wandered about the apartment. It was huge, open plan and very modern. His own furniture, which Jack had transplanted looking woefully out of place in the expansive flat. The bathroom and bedroom were equally spacious and light and the kitchen housed mod cons and his coffee machine. Ianto's personal possessions remained unpacked in plastic crates in the spare room. The bed had been made up but otherwise nothing had been done except a copious amount of grocery shopping. Ianto wandered back into lounge and flicked on the television to catch the BBC 6pm news and then went to make himself his first decent cup of coffee for almost 4 weeks.

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Jack stepped out of his office the moment Gwen entered the Hub through the roller door. She barely had time to sit at her desk when he was at her side.

"How is he?"

Gwen gave him a serious look. "You should've gone to fetch him Jack. I thought he looked tired, but he said he was ok. You know what Ianto is like."

Jack squeezed her shoulder and she knew that it was more for his benefit than hers, but she enjoyed the contact anyway and smiled up at him. Jack smiled back then dropped his hand realising he shouldn't be touching her at all, she was just so damn easy to reach out to. "Thanks for bringing him home." He turned to Tosh.

"How's that analysis going?"

Tosh looked up from her terminal. "Won't have any conclusive data until tomorrow."

"Ok, do what you can for this evening, then go home...That goes for you too Gwen and Owen. Go on get out of here and I'll see you all in the morning."

Owen was pulling on his Jacket and grabbing his kit bag. "I'm gonna stop by Ianto's and give him a check over before I go."

Jack nodded. "I'll come with you. Tosh can you lock up for the night? I've got the alert relay so I'll deal with anything over night." He went back to his office to get his coat and Webley then followed Owen out.

They found Ianto asleep on the couch, stretched along the length of it with his feet dangling over the end. The television was still on and there was an empty mug on the floor. Jack hesitated in the doorway hoping that their entrance hadn't awoken him, but Owen had no such consideration as he barged past his boss.

"Gotta wake him anyway. Oi Tea Boy!"

Ianto stretched and opened his eyes gazing about rather groggily.

"Owen?"

"Yeah mate." He sat on the edge of the couch. "Just wanna make sure you're in one piece, you know I don't trust those twats at UNIT."

Ianto awkwardly sat himself up as Owen strapped a blood pressure cuff around his arm. "How are you feeling?"

Ianto was watching Jack who was now standing at the large window. "I'm ok, just a bit tired. Chest still hurts."

Owen took his readings. "No problems breathing?"

Ianto shook his head. "They said I'd be sore for a few weeks and not to try to do too much."

"Yeah, I'm still signing you off for at least another two weeks, so you make sure you rest." Owen replied satisfied that the beverage king was in fact intact. He packed away his bits and pieces and stood up.

"He's fine Jack.... just needs not to be doing anything too strenuous."

Jack nodded understanding the meaning.

Owen waved a cheery farewell and left.

Ianto settled himself back down on the couch and watched the TV for a moment.

"Jack sit down, if you're staying, please."

Jack went and hung up his coat and then disappeared into the kitchen. "You eaten yet?" He called out.

Ianto sat up again and grabbing the walking stick he got to his feet and joined Jack in the kitchen.

"No, I haven't. I fell asleep earlier, the journey took it out of me a bit." He sat at the glass dining table.

Ianto watched as Jack pulled a load of food out of the fridge. "Chicken stir fry?"

Ianto nodded. "That would be nice, thanks. I'll make some coffee in a minute."

Jack faced him with a bright smile. "My saviour."

Jack set to work, chopping up vegetables and preparing the chicken and Ianto sat in silence and simply enjoyed observing Jack in a rare state of domesticity. Eventually he got up and made fresh coffee and handed a mug to Jack as he stood at the stove tending to the pans. Ianto slowly searched through the cupboards and found plates and cutlery and set them out on the table.

They ate, and talked about the weather, and what the Rift had been up to, and the latest developments on Gwen's wedding plans. Ianto was privately thinking that Rhys was mad for even considering marrying her. Once the meal was done, Jack dumped the dishes in the sink and sat back down opposite the young Welshman.

"Tell me about your Mam."

It took a moment for Ianto register what he had said. Ianto looked down at his hands, then at Jack. He realised there was no way to avoid the question so he gathered his resolve.

"In 2000, Tad was diagnosed with Parkinsons disease. It was just after I started my degree. He was ok to start with, but then he had to stop work and after about a year he was so sick we kind of took it in turns to look after him. I used to come home from Cambridge at the weekends and term breaks. He had a special nurse for the last couple of months because it just became too much but we'd decided as a family that Tad wouldn't die in hospital. He died in 2002 and three months later Mam told me she was going to marry the man who had been helping us care for Tad. I haven't spoken to her since." Ianto picked at his fingernails before looking up at Jack who remained silent.

"I don't expect you to understand Jack, but she brought in the person she was having an affair with to nurse my Tad. He was dying and she did that to him. There are just some things I can't forgive."

Jack did understand. "I'm sorry."

Ianto frowned. "For what?"

"That you....I don't know Ianto. I thought you were about to die, it's why we called her, she had a right to know." Jack really wasn't sure what to say and fell silent.

Ianto leant back in his chair. "I'm not like you Jack. I wish I could be more open minded than I am. Perhaps I am suffocated by my own sense of what is right and wrong and maybe I've lost something because of it, but I cannot forgive her and I am sorry if that diminishes me in your eyes. It's who I am. It's why I was so disgusted with myself when I was..... when I was with you, in your bed and Lisa was still alive in that machinery. I hated myself for becoming like her, for needing the comfort...." He got up and limped away to the sink. "I still hate myself for that."

"I know you do. I wish you didn't, I wish it wasn't me that made you feel like that."

Ianto swung round at the words and glared at him. "Don't Jack. Don't monopolise my grief. I made those choices, you are not a part of that, never were."

Jack sighed trying to quell the anger that surged in his chest. "Then what am I? What part of you am I? Who the hell are we Yan?"

The young man turned away and looked back out of the kitchen window into the night. "You're Jack, who has a part time lover called Ianto when he'd rather be with.... some one else. You bided your time with me when you were waiting for the Doctor and now you are doing it again whilst you wait for Gwen to come to her senses."

Jack's jaw dropped in surprise. "Is that really what you think?"

"It's fine Jack, really it is. You've never been anything more or less than I expected. I'm glad you are here, you're the closest thing I have to a friend these days, I enjoy the time we spend together, but I have no illusions about it." He tried to stifle a yawn and failed miserably as he turned and looked at Jack's rather horrified expression.

Jack lurched to his feet, clearly at a loss for words. "I see. Right then, I guess I should head back to the Hub." He strode to the door and turned and faced Ianto. "Make sure you rest. Owen'll be back round in a couple of days to check you over." And with that said he was gone, because he didn't know what else to do.


	11. Chapter 11

It was mid night when Jack stepped out onto the roof of the Millennium Centre. It was a cold breezy night, but Jack wasn't deterred by the elements as he stood with his coat pulled tightly about his body. He was at a loss, confused by his own feelings for both Ianto and Gwen, for Torchwood as a whole. It was days like this that he seriously regretted turning down the Doctor's offer. Ianto had been quite right, the previous century he had done nothing but bide his time awaiting his saviour and when he had finally come Jack had had never felt so let down in his life. Everything about the man had changed and he was no longer 'his' Doctor. He could live with that, everything changed; it was something he had become used to. However 'that year' had taught him that some things were worth coming back for, some causes worth fighting and whether he liked it or not Earth was his home now. He liked Earth or more specifically Wales, he enjoyed the place and the people, but he was tired of being alone and knew it was one thing he was condemned to be no matter what planet he was on.

Gwen was like a lighthouse in that darkness, a strong and certain presence that he could rely on for love and sex and loyalty, if he so chose. She was beautiful, strong and bloody infuriating and she was what he needed to remind him what being mortal and human was all about. He could talk to her and she always opened up to him, with that gap toothed smile and doey eyes. He had no doubt that he loved her, but he also realised that he was not in love with her, things would be so much easier if her were. He'd like nothing more than to respond to the sexual attraction, fuck her until they both saw the stars, but he knew in the end it would break her. She needed his commitment, family and a future that he could in no way provide. The truth was he loved Ianto a hell of a lot more. Ianto was honest with him in ways that Gwen couldn't even begin to comprehend. Ianto understood exactly who he was and what he was suffering, because he had suffered the same himself. Like Jack he wore his secrets like he wore his suits. They both played out these roles that the others expected of them. Ianto was the only person who had ever seen 'Jack', the only one who knew his secrets and the only one he wanted to share them with and the man was so fucking impossible to talk to some days, with his guard never down. Ianto was one of those universal mysteries, so wrapped in his own pain and unresolved grief. Jack got that, only too well. Shit!

It was a beautiful night. It always was. Jack loved the lights of the city and reflections of the moon on the water in the bay. He was never sure why, but it was a comforting sight to behold. He just watched the night slowly pass into a pale dawn before finally going back to the Hub and thanking some random deity for a quiet night.

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Ianto gaped at the door for an indeterminate length of time. Jack's rapid departure had momentarily confused him, but he shook it off and set about washing the dishes, leaning heavily against the work surface as he did so. He was exhausted by the end of it. Once done he slugged two pain killers and went to bed. Sleep evaded him as the medication refused to do it's work. He lay there in the unfamiliar darkness trying to make sense of what had happened over the last few weeks. Jack's bloody minded determination to keep him alive and have control over his life. Ianto half wondered if he were being punished for something, but that wasn't really Jack's style, if he was angry with Ianto then he'd say it. Gwen's impending wedding was obviously bothering him and Ianto was half tempted to tell Jack to just go for it and tell her how he felt. Ianto knew that Jack was many things, but not someone who would break up a relationship. Ianto did not understand unrequited love, had never experienced it. There had only been Lisa. He certainly could not consider what he shared with Jack to be love, companionship with benefits maybe? It niggled him though, Jack had worn a hurt look on his face when he had left earlier. Ianto had seen that look once before, when Lisa and his betrayal had been discovered and Ianto found himself wondering what it was he had done wrong. There was no one to ask of course, because the one person he should be asking had walked out of the apartment a couple of hours ago. Ianto chewed at his lip and then sat up, thinking maybe he should go to the Hub and talk to Jack.

What should have been a ten minute walk took him almost an hour. He was sore and breathless by the time he got there and much to his disappointment the Hub was found to be deserted. Exhausted and somewhat miserable Ianto settled himself down on the couch behind Tosh's station, unable to make the walk back to the flat. Within minutes he was sound asleep.


	12. Chapter 12

Ianto awoke, blurry eyed to a shadow looming over him and something tightly gripping his arms. It was comforting in some bizarre way as the sound of a drawling American accent filtered through his hazy consciousness. Then the pounding headache kicked in and he had to squeeze his eyes shut.

"Ianto? Ianto, are you ok?" The concerned tones continued on and Ianto blindly reached out his hand which was immediately grasped.

"Yes, Jack I'm fine, just give me a moment." He struggled to sit up and opened his eyes to find Jack's face very close to his.

"Ianto, what are you doing here, you should be resting."

And Ianto just sort of flopped forwards, his head coming to rest on Jack's chest. He could feel the man's arms around him, supporting his weight.

"Came to find you. I was worried." He mumbled.

The embrace was tightened and Ianto could feel fingers running through his hair. "I upset you. I'm sorry Jack. I know I've done something wrong, whatever it is, I'm sorry." He spoke into the fabric of Jack's old coat, that wonderful old thing that smelt of home. Ianto snaked his arms around Jack and closed his eyes again.

It took Jack a moment to register the fact that Ianto had in fact gone back to sleep in his arms, so he carefully positioned himself on the couch and settled the younger man so his head was resting on his lap. He sat back resting his head against the cold tiled wall and closed his eyes as well, vaguely drifting on the edge of his dreams.

Ianto stretched somewhat languidly. He regretted the action as almost immediately his chest muscles protested the movement. He was warm and comfortable and surrounded by the familiar sounds of the Hub. He could hear the hum of the electronics and clacking of computer keys and....

"'Bout fucking time you woke up!"

Ianto's eyes snapped open and there was Owen gawping at him with a scowl on his face. "What the fuck were you playing at walking here last night?"

Ianto frowned and tried to move aware of the heavy blanket covering him which turned out to be Jack's coat. He lurched upright with a groan and pushed the coat aside.

"I needed the fresh air." He sniped back yawning at the same time.

"You twat, what part of two weeks rest did you not understand?! I should have your balls for this. Idiot." Owen got up from his place on the coffee table and stomped off. "Stay there Tea Boy and don't move, I need to check your chest."

Ianto was too tired to respond but looked up when he felt the end of the couch dip beside him. Jack was proffering a mug of tea.

"Don't worry about Owen; you gave him a fright is all." He said with a smile. Ianto took the mug.

"Thanks Jack. What time is it?" he sipped at the tea, which was surprisingly good.

"Almost lunch time. Gwen's ordered in Chinese." Jack rested his hand on Ianto's leg. "You sure you're ok?"

Ianto nodded. Jack looked relieved and Ianto couldn't help but notice the tension drain out of him. He looked over Jack's shoulder and could see Gwen and Tosh working at their terminals so he leant forward, close to Jack and whispered. "I'm sorry I upset you."

Jack smiled and gently squeezed his thigh. "Soon as Owen has checked you over, we'll talk in my office."

Ianto nodded. "Ok."

Twenty minutes later and Ianto, still wrapped in Jack's coat was curled up in a chair in Jack's office. Jack perched himself on the edge of his couch facing him, a glass of scotch clasped in his hands. Ianto was on his second cup of tea having satisfied Owen that he wasn't about to keel over. Ianto sat there staring at his mug for a moment before speaking.

"You should go to her before she gets married Jack."

Jack's head snapped up and he looked at Ianto through narrowed eyes. "What?"

Ianto was puzzled by his confused expression. "Gwen. You said it yourself, that you didn't want to lose her. You said in front of all of us. If you want to be with her that much you shouldn't waste the last chance you have left."

Jack really wasn't sure whether he wanted to laugh or cry right then. "Is that what you want?"

Ianto's puzzlement deepened. "What I want doesn't come into it, you're my friend Jack. If being with her is going to make you happy...."

Jack put his glass down on the carpet between his feet and grasped Ianto's head, gently rubbing his little fingers over the nape of his neck. Ianto's eyes shuttered down.

"You can be the thickest person on this planet." Jack stated.

Ianto opened his eyes. "There's no need to insult me. I was trying to help." He could feel himself melting under the contact. "Isn't that what friends are supposed to do?"

Jack dropped his hands. "Yes, it is. But it isn't her I want, it's you and you're just too wrapped in yourself to see it, or else I'm too damn stupid to make you see."

Ianto pulled back, his face going pale. "That is not funny Jack."

Jack shrugged. "I'm not laughing. I am just tired of chasing my own tail over this, you and I are just so fucking difficult. You know I have never had this kinda trouble before. Most people are usually pretty receptive to me wanting them. I don't know how you manage to not see it Yan. What the fuck am I doing wrong here?"

"Oh." Ianto sagged into his seat. "You really did come back for me."

Jack nodded. "Why are you so surprised?"

It was Ianto's turn to shrug as he suddenly found a button on Jack's coat very interesting. "I thought you wanted her, she can give you a normal life, even if it's only for her life time. You could have a family Jack."

Jack reached and grasped the hand that was fiddling with the button. "Stop wrecking my coat." He wrapped his larger hand around Ianto's smaller one. "I came back for you. You're the only person who looks at me and sees me for who I really am. I trust you. I think I love you. You're just so damned defensive Ianto, won't let anyone in. I know it has been a tough life for you, but give yourself the chance to make it a better one, even if it isn't with me."

Ianto just stared at the hand holding his. "I didn't know Jack. The way you look at her....."

"Yeah, I know. She's an ideal Ianto. A life I could never have. If I ever have children I will only live on to see them die, I'm not ready for that. Maybe years, centuries from now I will be, but not now. I need you. I need your honesty and your compassion and your innate understanding."

"Need isn't love Jack, but I am complimented by that. I don't think anyone has ever needed me before."

"What about Lisa?"

Ianto sighed finally looking up into his eyes. "I needed her Jack. I loved her so much and I couldn't imagine my life without her in it, but she never needed me. Lisa was so strong and confident..." He dropped his gaze wanting to hide the betraying tears that threatened. "I needed that strength and when it was taken away from her I needed to put it back, to fix her because I couldn't cope without her."

Jack nodded understanding. "It was the same with your Tad, wasn't it?"

"Yes. Yes, I suppose it was." The tears fell anyway and Jack carefully thumbed them away.

"I think we could be good for each other. I'm not saying that it will be easy. Life in Torchwood never is, but I only get you for this one lifetime Ianto and I don't want to waste that. So I'm asking, what's it to be?"

Ianto raised his eyes and looked straight at Jack for a long time. The room could have been on fire and neither of them would have noticed.

"One day at a time Jack. It's the best I can do for now. I'm so fucked in the head right now, I could think and feel things that aren't true. Please just give me one day at a time." He finally said.

Jack offered up a hopeful smile. "Starting now?"

Ianto nodded.

FIN

**AN: Thank you as always for your reviews.... I really didn't know where this was going so I hope you enjoyed reading it. Kia Ora.**


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